“I think I married the wrong person”
He surprised me, you know.
I was 18. Leading a Bible study. Running hard after God.
And then a curly-haired guy with a head-turning but modest self-confidence showed up. He seemed to be running as hard as I was (but in retrospect, with more peace and joy).
I initially thought of every reason not to date him. But God loved me better and with more wisdom than I loved myself.
Yes, when I got married, I was beautiful and happy in a lot of ways. But I was also teetering on the edge of an eating disorder, drowning in my own insecurity, alienated by my own self-righteousness.
I’d carried elaborate ideas of marrying some pastor-to-be on our Christian college campus, a Bible study leader, or maybe some guy championing service projects on the bad side of town.
I’m embarrassed that I’d had visions of being half of some Christian version of a power couple. It feels terrible to type on this side of things—seeing how my sinful cravings had “got religion.”
God knew I needed not a flashy guy, but a humble one. A man who would consistently push me toward humility, authenticity, and finding my identity in who Jesus is, rather than my ability to achieve or deprive myself.
Because of this man, I am so much more beautiful than when I started out, digging in my fearful, pretentious little heels. He was not the man I thought I would marry, but it worked out even better than what I had imagined for myself.
Maybe it’s difficult to see why God matched you with your spouse. Maybe you’ve become a much different person since you’ve been married. Maybe you are experiencing depths of pain so exquisite that I can’t even conceive of them from over here in Happily Married Land.
But your faith cannot rest in your partner.
Your requirement cannot be your happiness.
Marriage is not “I do, unless I’m not happy, or unless you don’t hold up your part of the bargain.”
Ultimately, your co-signer, your safety net, is infinitely bigger. When your mate utterly blows it (and he or she will), you’re still beneath the tender, impenetrable wings of the God of the universe.
Of everything in the world, He’s the one choice without shame or regret.
If you’ve ever thought to yourself that you don’t love your spouse anymore, there’s hope. Here are some practical ways to move forward.
The good stuff: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)
Action points: Create a list to specifically thank God for the ways He’s used your marriage to change you for the better.
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